Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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