hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
