U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
