Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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