There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
