wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
