so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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