Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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