I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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