youre lurking in front of me
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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