Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
