Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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