God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
