Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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