i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
