there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Shame - the story of my life.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
