Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
