her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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