i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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