you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
