i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
