Say something about gay babies.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
