I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i drank out of a bidet.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
