I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
