yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
