i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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