First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
