New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
