Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
