you're like a bully in the Christmas story
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
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