everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
