It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
this is an emotional support booty call
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
