So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
