i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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