i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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