I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
