guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
