I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize