I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
