it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
