i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
