I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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