i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Dignity is for republicans.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
