Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
