he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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