I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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