The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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