I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize