I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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