Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize