Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
