so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
