Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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