I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
