Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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