You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
