you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize