He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
