is your mom at the bar?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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