Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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