I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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