He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
