Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
