Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
