i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
