just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
