just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
