remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
