Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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