my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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