Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
