My first STD was from a foam party
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Randomize
