I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
