Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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