the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
