He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
They took my balls.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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