That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
